Author: Mukul Saran
राधा कृष्ण प्राण मोरा जुगल किशोर
जीवन मरण गति, और नाहीं मोर
कालिंदी तीरे सघन कादम्बरा वन
रतन आसन ऊपर बैठाऊँ दू-जन
स्यामा-गौरी अंग लेपूँ चन्दन गंध
चंवर ढुला के देखूं छवि मुख चंद्र
गठ मालती माला संवारूँ जुगल गले
अधर उनके धरूँ कर्पूर-ताम्बूले
ललिता विशाखा आदि सगरी सखी बृंद
आनंद ह्रदय मह, सेवा चरणारविंद
श्री कृष्ण चैतन्य प्रभु दासों का दास
सेवा अभिलाषा करे ये नरोत्तम दास
(हिंदी अनुवाद त्रुटियों सहित – क्षमाप्रार्थी मुकुल)
अप्रैल १७ २०२१
मूल कृति B.R. Chopra द्वारा प्रस्तुत महाभारत TV serial की है|
‘निर्भया’, ‘दामिनी’ आदि नामों से जाने वाली उस युवती को समर्पित जिसकी कठोर हृदयाघात करने वाली, करुणा-पूर्ण कथा ने भारत की अंतरात्मा को झकझोर कर रख दिया था ।
– मुकुल सरन. ९ जुलाई २०१७
I met Nadine in a Richardson Park on a nice spring morning in late March as she was walking her little dog and she wondered what 911 Day of Service meant on the banner hung on the outdoor park pavilion iron bars. This lady with years of life on her face, was curious and ventured up to the registration desk we had set up in that pavilion. She had seen many folks wearing the bright yellow-orange T-shirts doing the dirty work of picking up the litter around the park.
She was genuinely interested, and genuinely thankful that we paid attention to the litter that had accumulated in this otherwise lovely park with a creek and a bountiful of while swans & ducks adorning the rock barrier meant to contain the debris floating down from upstream.
She noted that many people do not care about simply taking care of their surroundings. That upset her. She wondered if we were a religious group. I explained ‘we are a Hindu faith-based group, but not focused on religion. We use our unique religious inspiration that guides us – all living and non-living beings are part of the one same whole. Taking care of ourselves necessarily requires us taking care of them all at the same time. She was happy to hear that.
She introduced herself as a Messianic Jew. As a child she had understood Jesus Christ to be a messenger but not the Son of God, who sacrificed for the sinning humans. Now she had found a savior in her Lord, Christ.
She was a little unsure about how to ask the question, but she wanted to know who our ‘Lord’ was in Hinduism. My answer was simple: we do not have one ‘Lord’, but we believe, and know, that we all have One Source. We give that source a variety of names – Shiva, Krishna, The Energy, or God etc. Beyond that Truth we differ; we hold different beliefs about how this ‘Lord’ operates his /her universe. To us Hindus that difference is not highly consequential, if these beliefs lead their followers to find positivity, direction, and strength in their own lives, and help develop a loving society.
This conversation jogged her memory. She told me about a beautiful interview she had watched some time ago between two men – a Christian leader and….. a Hindu leader (she thought). She couldn’t remember the details. Search as she tried to do, she did not find the name of that Hindu leader. She noted how the two men, coming from very different backgrounds, were able to find love in their hearts for each other.
I could relate
to that idea, I explained. If the two men related with each other on a spiritual level where they knew they had the same source and did not focus much on the differences in their beliefs (which, by defintion, cannot be known since they are not knowledge) then such love was possible. I ruminated that in the world today, the focus was on arguing who was right about their beliefs, and that causes strife. She seemed to agree.
She grew curious. She wanted to know more about Hindu beliefs on Heaven and Hell. Did we believe in such a thing? This has been a topic of another blog I wrote previously – Can Hindus Ever RIP. Heaven and Hell are merely an accounting system for our Karma. What we do right, according to our considered obligation as humans, opens the doors to heaven where we could enjoy the fruits of our Karma. What we do wrong – unethical, inhuman or such – gives us an entry pass to Hell. We must bear the consequences of all our actions.
But Hindus also believe in something else – reincarnation. This is akin to the idea that our universe is cyclic. It arises out of ‘nothing’, sustains for a while (a long while, which feels like an eternity compared to a mere 100 yrs of our lifespan), and then dissolves back into The Source. Look around…. every natural phenomenon is cyclic; most obviously we know how spring brings nature back to life year after year. We know that the earth goes around the sun in cycles, and results in a repeating cycle of seasons. We have learned about the rain cycle, the carbon cycle, and many others. Is it hard to imagine that our birth and death are cyclic in a similar sense?
Hindus believe our soul cycles through a variety of forms before it exits the cycle. Our bodies are just temporary housing for it (I did not use the word ‘Atma’ with her, since I would still need to resort to the word ‘soul’ to explain the ‘atma’ concept, for which there is no parallel in the western culture). She immediately could relate to the idea of permanence and repeated something similar from her religious beliefs.
Then, my explanation continued, our souls simply go from one body to the next, taking several births over many lifetimes. Hindus’ ultimate goal is to liberate from this cycle of birth and death of the bodies we are trapped in. When that is attained, we return to eternal peace, to The Source we all came from. This explanation fascinated her.
Feeling that my explanation may have been somewhat tedious, I inquired about her work – she had mentioned earlier in passing that she still worked – I found out she was associated with a Jewish service organization. More conversations revealed that we shared an interest in mental health of the community and were working in our own ways to address this. She invited me to her next monthly meeting on the topic. We exchanged contacts and are now looking forward to the next steps. Hopefully, we can follow in the example of the two people who she had earlier cited.
She left as her little doggie got up on her hind legs and, with a bark, informed her that she’s had enough of being a bystander in this long conversation. She wanted to move on.
Just a few minutes later I saw her back in the pavilion. She had returned to share the picture of the Hindu man she spoke of earlier. It was the current Dalai Lama’s photograph. I did clarify that he was a revered Buddhist leader but felt glad to think that we are all Hindus if we simply live spiritually, looking at what is the essence of our existence rather than dwelling on the differences in our own mental creations.
Diwali always comes with a new message of hope and gaiety.
It also brings with it an opportunity to introspect on what it means to lead a life of Dharma. This word is often found incorrectly translated as religion. It has many other meanings with subtle differences, but ‘religion’ is not one of them.
Dharma refers to our human duty or discerned responsibility, inspired by and dedicated to the Universal Consciousness that unifies us all. That consciousness is our source and our destination. It is one where all our differences arise and dissolve. It is the One that powers the Sun, as also our mind-body-intellect.
From this Divine consciousness which transcends all fractured identities, arises our dharma, our human duty to help create joy and happiness for every one. We celebrate the victory of good over evil, of light over darkness, of knowledge over ignorance, but this battle is truly a perpetual one, within ourselves, that we must win each year, each day, each moment of our lives.
Wish everyone a joyous victory! Shubh Deepawali.
There’s more to Hindu marriage ceremonies than meets the eye. Symbolism abounds. Each ceremony is rooted in a deep philosophical paradigm. Awareness of it lends richness to the rituals and eliminates misinterpretations. To understand, one must begin with the Vedic view of creation and human life.
Paradigm Informing Hindu Marriages:
The entire physical universe has a single source – One God if you like! We all are born of, live in, and ultimately dissolve back into that source., similar to waves on an ocean. The vast ocean is their source, they exist on that substratum, and dissolve back some finite time later, becoming one with it. It’s as if that single source acquires a universe of wave-like forms which are only distinct from each other in their shape, their trajectories but not in essence. They all exist only in reference to an ocean. In that sense we all are also various incarnate forms of One source, One energy, One Conscious Reality that we call God.
If this is new to you, don’t expect to be convinced of this paradigm. That is not the goal of this piece. It is merely to inform that such a perspective exists and it informs the traditional Hindu wedding rituals.
Another paradigm that matters is the Hindu view of God as a Divine Couple – a part of one inseparable whole, two aspects of one Divinity, e.g. Radhe-Krishna, Sita-Ram, Shiv-Parvati, or Vishnu-Mahalaxmi . Vishnu ji & Mahalaxmi ji are the preserver of the universal order while it lives. To a faithful Hindu devotee their divinity is also reflected in human marriage relationships.
So how does this affect how two people are married? This view of human relationships being mere reflections of divinity is reflected in Bride and Groom being considered as God-incarnates. The bride represents Devi MahaLaxmi in all Her splendor and beauty. The groom represents Bhagwan Vishnu in all His glory. That conception, which sees God’s presence in a multitude of forms, readily enables such a view. A Hindu wedding is then merely a re-enactment, here on earth, of the eternal union of the two Divine beloveds.
This considered divinity of the bride & groom, and their consequential Oneness is the backdrop of the wedding. None can be second to the other; they are the two sides of a single coin. In practice the wedding serves as a reminder to the couple of their eternal bond, their complimentary nature and their essential unity despite manifest differences. This paradigm has been coded into practice by ancestors, but the Hindu society has lost awareness of its existence.
The Wedding Story Board:
(a) Dwarachar: The groom arrives at his fiancé’s door to marry her. The bride’s family and friends welcome him with Aarti. This ceremony is based on another element of Indian cultural ethos – atithi satkar, offering a guest to the same soulful welcome that one would offer should God ever show up at the door. This ceremony affords the groom a red-carpet welcome as Vishnu ji visiting Mahalaxmi ji’s home.
(b) Jaimaal: An exchange of garlands when the bride and groom come face to face for the first time prior to the wedding ceremony, reaffirms mutual acceptance of each other by bride and groom.
(c) Pad Poojan: As part of the wedding rituals you might find bride’s father – the host – washing the groom’s feet. Some people disavow this tradition as disrespectful to the bride’s family. Yet, when one views it in the light of atithi satkar, when the atithi is Bhagwan Vishnu Himself, this objection seems irrelevant. The son-in-law does not gain any leverage over the father-in-law just because of this ceremony. The father-in-law remains a father figure who is worthy of due regard as an elder and as a parent.
(d) Kanyadaan: a ceremonial transfer of bride’s hand to the groom’s, has been labeled as regressive by some. For the current discussion, suffice it to say that this ceremony is a symbolic reunification of the two beloveds by the bride’s family, not a donation or gift. A more detailed treatment of this custom is available here. Lazy, uninformed perspectives lead to erroneous interpretations. The paradigm matters.
Unfortunately, this ceremony is sometimes conflated with various other negative socio-cultural aspects of many Hindu marriages. In particular, it stands as a symbol of a power imbalance between bride’s and groom’s families that has become embedded in other associated customs. Some, like demanding dowry, have been legally addressed but may still be found in practice. It is important to recognize that this imbalance has no sanction in Hindu philosophical paradigm. These need to be, and should be, excised while preserving the reverence for our benevolent traditions. Fortunately, it is also not difficult to find marriages today that exemplify the practice of customary rituals sans the baggage of corrupt social practices.
Conclusion:
It is not a goal of this piece to explain all the marriage rituals in light of the mentioned Hindu philosophical paradigm. It is to illustrate that a Hindu marriage invokes divinity in human beings to bind two people in a union that is fundamentally equal and complimentary. It is a beautiful way to lend strength to human relationships. It is empowering for women and men alike. Some key rituals are designed to put into practice the best of Hindu dharma. That’s how it must remain.
गृह प्रवेश के शुभ अवसर पर माता पिता के आशीर्वचन|
घर की भव्यता उसमें रहने वाले परिवार में परस्पर प्रेम, अतिथि सत्कार, धर्म-पारायण व्यवहार , लोक-कल्याण में तत्परता आदि सद-गुणों की ही प्रतिबिंब होती है |
The Hindu marriage ritual of Kanyadaan was portrayed in a recent garment ad as regressive and rooted in patriarchy. In a previous article we addressed the root of this debate – mis-translation of word meaning and misinterpretation of its symbolism. Next we look closer at what bothers some women. What is wrong with Kanyadaan? What does need change?
Without being facetious, being born is patriarchy. A little biology only to clarify the point. The father’s chromosome determines the sex of the child. A Y-chromosome from the father conceives a male child. On the other hand, an X-chromosome from the father gives birth to a female child. The mother can only contribute an X-chromosome, one of two needed for conception.
Do we resent this inequality? No. We celebrate the differences. We recognize how essential and complimentary this difference, this patriarchy, is to creation & sustenance of life itself.
Patriarchy, by itself, cannot be the issue with Kanyadaan.
Clearly, it is just a label! But the label betrays a sense of resentment, misplaced as it is, at the unfortunate reality of an imbalance in male-female power-structures within the society. This imbalance continues to find patronage in a variety of ways: distinct rules of behavior, social limits to engagement in society, (e.g. education, economic pursuits etc), ineligibility for certain roles and functions, society’s attitudes towards sexual violence. These are matters of daily import for us all, especially for those who bear the brunt. These need correction and urgently.
Sadly, these develop in all societies, and India is no exception. However, the realities of female experience today must be seen as a social distortion, not a product of the Universalist worldview of Hindu thought, to help us reach meaningful solutions.
Hindu philosophical paradigm considers female energy as an equal and complimentary part of the male energy in one whole – a la Ardh-Nareeshwar. It dares to imagine God in male-female pairs – Radha Krishna, Sita Ram, Uma-Mahesh etc. It is the only religion that recognizes a female aspect of God – Shakti. Can such a philosophy really be the source of any demeaning tradition that treats women as inferior or subservient? Hardly so!
Ritual helps encapsulate such enlightened philosophy into practice, and helps pass it down the generations. It is imperative to decode it accurately so we do not loose the wisdom they contain. We must look for causes of power imbalance between sexes outside of Kanyadaan, if we are to find meaningful solutions.
Kanyadaan is based on love… dismissing it as Hindu ‘patriarchy’ is inappropriate. But it is also true that many girls feel hurt; it’s a reality to be acknowledged with empathy. While respecting our rituals for their real meaning and message, the sense of hurt that many women feel deserve our consideration.
Today, hearing loosely-worded statements like “she’s not your daughter anymore” or “you’re giving her away to the groom” can be hurtful. In the old days when transport from one village to another was difficult or non-existent, it
may have been the reality of marriage for the woman and her family. In that circumstance these words may have even helped the girl’s parents to let her go, and for the girl to accept the finality of the change.
Any premise that the girl, while joining another family, must cut all connection with parents or family is not supported by tradition. Shortly after marriage traditionally the girl would return to her parental home for a visit with her family. So statements made in this vein are distortions of the original.
There is room for improvement on what is said, how it is said and, most importantly, in educating ourselves about the source, symbolism and purpose of Kanyadaan. For that, read ‘Kanyadaan is Kanyamaan‘
दीपावली का महासंग्राम हम सबको लड़ना होगा|
इसमे ही निहित हमारा सम्मान है |
End of a long, satisfying journey on a road that now wants to take a turn. Retirement from TI.